Told You

See? I said two weeks was a really long time, and it was. Way too long for me to update this thing on a consistent basis anyway. But I didn't forget and that's the important thing, right? Things are still crazy busy and I'm super tired so my thoughts on TrollHunter will be brief (but compelling!).


So, TrollHunter. Awesome. Totally worth watching. Did you see that rating? They don't just give that to anyone. I didn't know what to expect going in and I was a little surprised that it turned out to be more of a comedy than a horror movie. That actually worked to its favor though because it could've very easily gone very badly. If you've seen enough of these POV fake documentaries then you know what I'm talking about. The basic premise is that a group of college students are trying to snag an interview with a person they think is a bear poacher, but who turns out to be a....you guessed it, a Troll Hunter. The rest of the movie revolves around the college students joining the guy who's suddenly waaaayyyy more bad ass than a bear poacher as he goes about his job. It turns out he's more of a TrollGameWarden than a TrollHunter. It's complicated.

In addition to underused monsters, I'm also a total sucker for movies that throw in mythology. In between scenes of nocturnal troll hunts, Hans, the titular Troll Hunter, fills the students in on the various species, habits, and habitats of trolls. He even wears a cardigan while he does it so you know it's official. Since the film doesn't take itself too seriously these scenes don't take you out of the mood like they could. Like I said earlier, it's definitely more of a comedy than an actual horror movie. The CGI trolls look good, if ridiculous, and there are a few tense moments, but this ain't Quarantine. I'm not up on my Norwegian politics, but it also seemed like there was a lot of allegory going on.

The other thing that helps is the gorgeous setting. I could've watched these assholes drive around filming nothing but the scenery for an hour and a half and been just as happy. It was beautiful mountain range after beautiful lake after beautiful forest. If trolls were real and actually lived somewhere, I'd totally buy that this is the place.

I'm not going to give away the "twist" ending, but I will say that it was fucking awesome and not some M. Night Shyamalan bullshit.

It should be out on DVD soon (if not already) and I'd say it's at least worth a rental or a netflix viewing. As much as I enjoyed it, I don't see myself going back and watching it over and over, but depending on the special features I might pick it up. I'm definitely glad I caught it in the theater and if it's still playing anywhere near you, you'll be missing out if you don't go.

There. Now I'm going the fuck to sleep.

Not the Wishing Kind

I'm going to see this movie in a few minutes:



The whole POV-faux-documentary thing has been done to death, but when was the last time you saw a movie featuring trolls? I mean, there was this one:



and this one:



we also can't forget this one:



but on the whole it's a vastly underutilized monster genre, and I'm always down for a refreshing creature feature. I'll post a review after watching....I'm not holding my breath for anything groundbreaking, but it looks like it'll at least be entertaining. Any bets on when the Mega Troll Vs. Giant Chupacabra SyFy Pictures original comes out?

Reading

I volunteer on Wednesday nights and just got home, so I don't have a lot of time for this, but here are a few things you need to be reading. (NOTE: I included links to amazon for convenient reference purposes, but I would encourage you to order these through your local comic shop. Don't be a dick.)

Skull Kickers


If you're not reading this series you are totally missing out. It's like an 80s buddy cop movie meets D&D nerds. Each issue is absolutely hilarious and the art is fantastic. One of the things I love about Image is that their trades are only $9.99. That's significantly cheaper than if you bought each issue of the arc and this trade is a thing of beauty.

Beasts of Burden


There aren't enough words for me to describe how amazing this series is. Supernatural horror with adorable talking cats and dogs? Are you serious? This isn't a cutesy series, either. There are cute moments, but some very heavy stuff goes down. To this day, no matter how many times I've read it, two of these stories bring tears to my eyes, one of which makes me weep openly. Don't judge me. My only exposure to Evan Dorkin prior to this was Milk and Cheese so this was a pleasant surprise. Plus, it's painted, not drawn, and is absolutely beautiful. The price for the trade isn't bad considering it's large, hardcover, and loaded with extras.

Barry Ween: Boy Genius


Another series that I can't say enough good things about. When I was little I was an avid comic reader but I kind of fell out of it as I got older. I kept up on storylines with wikipedia (total nerd admission) and got trades from the library, but it was this book that reminded me comics were more than capes and superheroes and sucked me back in on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure a month or two after reading this I was back to having a pull file and making more-than-weekly trips to the comic shop. It's poignant, hilarious, bittersweet, and heartbreaking all at once. The easiest comparison is Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes meets Stewie from Family Guy, but even that doesn't come close to doing it justice. This is a creation all its own. The Big Book of Barry Ween collects all the stories and a couple extras as well. Worth more than the asking price.

Morning Glories


I've read every issue of this series and I still have no fucking clue what's going on. It's a definite slow burn but I salivate at the prospect of a new issue each month. It's confusing as hell, mixing physics references with historical religious fanatics that somehow tie together. I should note that this series became even more interesting after some internet research. I seriously spent like two hours trying to wrap my brain around the physics theories they talk about (I like it when a series makes you work for it). As confusing as it is though, it works. There have been more than a few jaw dropping "holy shit" moments throughout its short life that make me trust the payoff will be well worth it. Another Image trade easily worth the ten bucks.

How Far Can Too Far Go?

In an effort to try and make this a routine, I'm just going to start throwing stuff up here. They say if you can do something for two weeks it'll become a habit. Two weeks is a very, very long time.

Anyway, go here. I can't say enough good things about this site. It's been around forever and I seriously don't know where I'd be without it. They have a Hercules section for christ's sake. An ENTIRE SECTION dedicated to old Sword and Sandal movies. If this doesn't pique your interest at all you're probably not in the right spot. Brian's is internet heaven. Plus Beef- AND Cheesecake sections (sorry vegans, no hot people for you), low budget Horror and Sci-Fi, Noir, Westerns, and TARZAN (!!).



It doesn't get better. Oh, wait, yes it does:


Did I forget to mention there was a Beach Party section?

There are also extensive picture galleries, biographies, links, and movie resources. If you're just going to dick around on the internet there are much worse places you could spend some time. Go check it out.

Surprise.

Wow. A year between blog posts. That’s not excessive right? Uh, so, how’ve you been? Good? Things going well? Awww, come on, this doesn’t have to be awkward. It’s not like anyone ever read this thing anyway…you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. Hell, no one’s reading this thing right now, so I’m just talking (typing?) to myself like a crazy person at this point. I could say anything right now and it wouldn’t matter. Turnip kitten car wall. See? It’s kind of liberating, actually. Look, in my defense, it’s been a really, really busy year. I moved to a new town, got a new job and have generally been working way too much. Throw in some volunteering on top of all that and my brain is pretty much the consistency of yogurt when I’ve got free time. And not the firm, Greek kind either, but more like the cheap runny kind you only buy ‘cause it’s on sale and you’re already not sure if you’re going to make your rent this month but you know you should eat yogurt 'cause it's good for you so you've gotta buy something. Not trying to make excuses, I’m just sayin’. So what say we blow the dust off this thing and try again?



Like I said, I’ve been running around a lot which means I’ve been listening to a ton of music since I can keep it all in my pocket (yay for the future!). Specifically, the new Bella Morte album, Before the Flood, has been burning a hole in my iPod. Before going further, in the spirit of full disclosure, I should tell you that I love this band. I’ve loved this band since about ‘99/2000 so after 11 years of fandom I might not be the most objective. But I’ll try.

If you’re not familiar with the goth scene then you should know that there’s a bit of a distinction between the deathrock kids (i.e., the ones who look like they crawled out of The Return of the Living Dead and listen to bands like 45 Grave, Misfits, Christian Death, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Specimen, etc.) and the IDM/EBM kids (i.e., the ones who look like they’re going to a rave and listen to bands like VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, Beborn Beton, etc.). The magic of Bella Morte is that they’re able to bridge that gap. Each album has songs that appeal to the dance-happy-giant-pants glowstick crowd just as much as the spiked-collar-mohawk crowd, and one of the things I've enjoyed the most over the years is listening to them grow. This is a band that has expanded their sound with each album without losing any of what makes them great. If you put on Remains and then put on Before the Flood, even though the sound is light years apart, you'd still get the same Bella Morte vibe from both. There's been a definite progression with each album and they totally nailed it with this one. On the whole, Before the Flood has a smoother feel to it than any of their previous releases. It manages to take the slower, softer edged Bella Morte and marry it with the rougher, metal-tinged Bella Morte to come up with the band's strongest release to date. The production is slick, Andy’s vocals are in top form, and the music sounds tighter than ever.

Since I'm trying to be objective, as much as I enjoy the album, there are a few things to be aware of. Lyrically, it’s pretty much classic Bella Morte, which is either something you’ll love or hate. It should be obvious which side of the fence I fall on, but it’s worth noting. There are also a couple songs ("Skin" and "Undertow") that sound almost identical when they start. Maybe it's just me, but I still have a hard time telling which is which until the song gets going. It's kind of a Queen vs. Vanilla Ice argument with the beats being surprisingly similar.

What I’ve encountered when trying to get friends to listen to Bella Morte in the past is that some of them can’t get past the “goth” trappings. They weren’t listening to an album, they were listening to a “goth” album. This was more of a stumbling block with their early albums (the vocals could get a little dramatic and the production was pretty sparse) but it shouldn’t be an issue with Before the Flood at all. “Goth” or not, this album is just plain good. Plus, these are some of the nicest, hardest working guys out there. Don’t even get me started on their live shows. If they’re playing near you just go see them. End of discussion. You can thank me later.

Here's a song off the new album (not an official video, obviously):


Here's an older one:


And the official.

Feelin' the Heat

I don’t know about where you live, but things have been H-O-T hot in my backyard lately. Yeah, it’s July, but this has been clothes-soaked-in-sweat-just-sitting-in-the-shade heat, not your average summertime warm up. According to an article I saw on CNN, if you’re reading this, you just lived through the hottest June ever recorded. Congratulations…? That’s kind of terrifying to me, but hey, any excuse to celebrate, I guess.

In honor of our having made it through the heat I thought it would be appropriate to chronicle some of the hottest records and/or recording artists I’ve come across over the years. I don’t just mean aesthetics, either. I’m talking about music that’ll sex the pants right off ya. I don’t have a set number in mind, so we’ll see where this list takes us.

First up: Brenda Boykin


Information on Ms. Boykin is surprisingly scant, so I can’t tell you much about her history or personal life. There’s a nice little bio here, but that’s about all I could find (I could never get the Myspace page to load). That’s okay though. Mystery is sexy, right? What I can tell you is that her first solo album, Chocolate & Chili, is quite possibly the sexiest record I’ve ever heard, and I don’t say that lightly. The music on the album is a mix of nu-jazz, swing, blues, and electronics, but it doesn’t fall prey to the trap of becoming scattered. There’s a definite mood to this album and each of those genres serves to enhance it. One of the first things that jumped out at me is how bass heavy the music is. If you’re one of those people that crank the bass you might want to dial it back a bit before putting this album on, lest you risk your speakers. It’s heavy. The second thing that jumped out at me was Ms. Boykin’s amazingly sultry voice. She’s one of the few vocalists that can manage soft, rough, sexy and mournful all at the same time. Listening to tracks like Talk With Your Hands, Chocolate and Chili, or Moaning, it’s hard to decide what to do. Cry? Drink? Hook up with a stranger? A mix of the three? Any of those choices would be a good fit.


Though facts are few, I discovered that Ms. Boykin has done a lot of vocal work for other bands. One of them was Home Cookin’, who released a fantastic pair of blues albums, one in the mid 90s and one in 2000. I only have their second, Afrobilly Soul Stew, but after listening to it I am very eager to get the first. It’s a testament to Ms. Boykin’s skill that her voice sounds equally at home with a traditional blues backing as it does with an electronic jazz outfit behind it. The blues don’t take away from the sexiness either. Just listen to Chains or her cover of Crying Time and you’ll see that feeling so bad never felt so good. I’m going to come right out and say it: Brenda Boykin is a strong contender for the Etta James throne. If that means anything to you, then you need to get this album.

It borders on criminal that Brenda Boykin doesn’t receive the attention her talent deserves. Chocolate & Chili is available on iTunes (look it up on Amazon and you’ll see that the iTunes price is a steal) as is Home Cookin’s Afrobilly Soul Stew. You can also find her work with Club des Belugas there. If you’ve got eight or nine bucks to spare you really can’t go wrong here. What else are you going to spend that money on? Food? It’s too hot out to eat anyway. Utilities? Lights just make things hotter. Do yourself a favor and go for one (or both) of these albums instead. And if anyone has recommendations for their own sexy music lists feel free to leave them in the comments!

Here you go:



I couldn't find any Home Cookin' samples, so here's something else from her solo album (and no, that's not her in the picture):

Discussion Time

It’s not often that I find myself in the position of not knowing what to make of a situation, but this has certainly done it. Wow. I’ve literally spent the past hour arguing with myself, but since I haven’t made any headway I’m bringing the argument to you so we can talk it out. What do you think? There’s a part of me that says, yes, this was totally and completely unethical, but I’m not convinced that means it was the wrong thing to do.

The folks at Stinky Journalism have a point about the need for privacy in 12 step groups in order for them to be effective. Yes, AA and NA and all the other __A’s out there have helped countless numbers of people, but I’m not sold that just because you model yourself after AA that you’re a legit, helpful program deserving of respectful anonymity. If there was a 12 step program out there for combating non-racist thoughts would that make it okay? Or if there was a 12 step program for helping you to beat your spouse? You can read the 12 steps here, though all they did was repeat AA’s 12 steps pretty much verbatim but replaced “alcohol” with “homosexual.” A much more interesting (and nauseating) read is the FAQ.

Did you read that? Are you fucking kidding me? There’s so much bullshit on that page I’m surprised you couldn’t smell it through your monitor. Pardon the coarse language, but that was a lot to swallow. Dropping the word “philosophical” and “psychological” over and over again doesn’t cover up the fact that the purpose of your group is for people to feel bad about themselves because of how they were born. And while we’re talking about their take on psychology, I haven’t found any information on the group facilitator’s credentials. Unless he’s got a Ph.D., or LPCC after his name he has no business helping anyone with anything remotely related to mental health, ESPECIALLY not kids, as was ominously mentioned under the first question.

Getting back to the issue…were these meetings supposedly confidential? Yes, but here’s my take on that. If you spend all day preaching hate about a group of people to which you actually belong, you don’t deserve confidentiality or respect. Where’s your respect for the people you’re harming with your hateful rhetoric? I’m not going to go into the politics of self-loathing, but this is one instance where LGBT gets separated out from other minorities. Unless you’re this guy -



(That's Uncle Ruckus from the Boondocks for those unfamiliar)

-I doubt there are many African American people who would attend a 12-step program designed to help them fight their African American-ness. Which just makes the topic stickier. It says in the Stinky Journalism piece that Mr. Brock was going there “to be held accountable,” but again, I have to disagree. So you spend all day preaching hateful things about the LGBT community, of which you are a member, but then cap your week by going to a support group that says “well, you’re okay as long as you don’t act on it.” It seems to me like that’s more of a pass than an attempt at being held accountable.

Which brings up another issue I had with the Stinky Journalism piece. They point out that:

Also important to note is that Lavender didn't prove that Brock never said he was gay – just that he “fell into temptation.”

Here’s the thing. If you read the Lavender piece, Mr. Brock mentions that by “falling into temptation” he meant he was out bangin’ Slovakian dudes on a church trip. As far as I’m concerned that’s gay enough to get you an invite to the big LGBT block party. No, they didn't catch him claiming to be straight, but he's not exactly qualifying his hateful public statements with "by the way, I'm gay but I'm totally not okay with it, so it's cool."

I guess what I keep coming back to is that if you’re a public figure, who publicly puts yourself out there as a hatemonger, you don’t get to hide behind some half-assed 12 Step program’s supposed confidentiality when you get caught as a hypocrite. Do I think what Lavender did was unethical? Technically, yes. Does that make it the wrong thing to do in this instance? Not in my book. It’s a cliché, but I’m a believer in that sometimes you’ve gotta do bad to do good.

It sounds like I’ve finally made up my mind, but I’d be very interested in hearing what other people think about this, so feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section.