One of the gems I stumbled on was a double feature of Death Spa (1988) and Aerobicide (1986). I was immediately intrigued by the notion of slashers that take place in high-end health clubs because I’ve seen people murdered just about everywhere in the course of my movie watching, but I can honestly say that I’ve never seen an entirely gym-oriented horror film. Plus, a double feature of 1980’s exercise-based mayhem? Sign me up!
First in was Death Spa, and before we even begin to talk about the actual story I feel it’s important to note that this film is alternately titled Witch Bitch. Seriously. If that fact alone doesn’t sell you on this movie…you might be spending time at the wrong website. If you still need convinced, how about this: the plot is a detective-slasher-romance-supernatural-revenge hybrid with a gender bending twist. All set in a gym. All set in the 80s. If you STILL need convinced, there’s also this:
Could that possibly be the BEST INSULT EVER? I’m leaning towards the yes category. You also get the obligatory 80's odd-couple detective duo, death by frozen fish, and Ken Foree as a guy named Marvin. Awesome.
I’m not going to give you every detail, but cheesiness aside, the movie was much more original than I expected. The pace sags a bit in the middle while they try and build the back-story, but the story they’re building is actually interesting so it’s forgivable. There’s not a ton of gore, so if you come into the film expecting that you’ll probably be disappointed. However, if you come into the film expecting lots and lots of spandex you’ll be thrilled.
If spandex is your thing, you might want to hold off on Death Spa and jazzercise your way straight into Aerobicide. Bust out your pocket mirrors and roll up some bills, ‘cause what you’re about to witness is pure, uncut, 80’s goodness:
If you’re still coherent after that, then congratulations, you’ll probably make it through the rest of this film. Aside from the fact that it’s focused on a gym this movie is nothing like Death Spa. Even its alternate title, Killer Workout, is more mundane. This is a straight-up slasher (or poker…watch it and you’ll find out why) without any of the supernatural or science-gone-crazy elements of its higher budgeted cousin. Which isn’t meant to discredit Aerobicide in any way. What the film lacks in demonic possession and super computers it makes up for with fight scenes that leave both parties unscathed, people with mysterious clotting disorders that allow them to be stabbed several times but not bleed, a former Playgirl model, and amazing acting. The film also boasts an impressive body count. People get murdered like it’s their job in this film. See that person doing crunches? Murdered. See that person doing lat-pulls? Murdered. See that other nondescript character you know nothing about? Murdered. The filmmakers don’t come anywhere close to generating sympathy for any of the characters so it doesn’t really mean anything when you see them shuffled off one after the other, but it’s fun to count.
I don’t know if two movies make a genre, but Gymsploitation is something I’d love to see more of. These movies are way too much fun to leave stuck in the limbo of forgotten 80s films. Death Spa apparently saw a DVD release in Germany, and Aerobicide was released on DVD in the UK, but the likelihood of either film seeing a DVD release in the states is about the same as my ass suddenly becoming a particle accelerator. Fortunately, until the day my rear end starts spewing strangelets, both films are pretty easily obtainable online. Death Spa can be watched in its entirety on YouTube, but Aerobicide might take some more searching.
Just remember to break out the leg warmers and copious amounts of your favorite booze, ‘cause you’re going to need both. But be warned: a beer belly won’t look good in all that spandex.
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