It's That Time

If you didn’t attend one yourself, you probably heard on the news/read on the internet that this past weekend was the annual Gay Pride Parade season.

Inevitably, whenever anyone mentions a pride parade, the first thing I always hear people ask is, “Why pride parades? Why flaunt yourselves and throw your lifestyle in everyone’s face like that?” If you don’t feel like reading this whole thing I’ll give you the short answer: Because our Pride is in direct opposition to the Shame you want us to feel. Let me clarify right from the start that I don’t necessarily mean “you” as in the person reading this, so don’t get all defensive on me. When I say “you” what I’m referring to is our current culture at large. The culture where it’s okay to have a gay best friend as long as said friend doesn’t get married. Or adopt kids. Or kiss her girlfriend in front of you. When you stop and think about it, our “flaunting” is the same thing you take for granted every second of every day. You ask why we have these parades? Let me ask you how many times you’ve kissed your significant other in public? How many times have you held hands or snuggled on a park bench? For a big chunk of the LGBT community, these gatherings are the ONE DAY of the year they get to do the same thing without fear of some asshole gunning for them. All that stuff you get to do for 365 days? They get one. How would that make you feel?

So, “Why pride parades?” I don’t want to sound trite, but if you have to ask then chances are you’ll never know. People can tell you about the harassment, the being alienated from your family, the fear of losing their job, the paying the same taxes but not having the same rights, the being assaulted, or the watching friends die (by their own hand or someone else’s), but unless you’ve experienced something similar firsthand those are just words. It’s an over simplification, but if you’re a member of Straight White Middle Class America, chances are you’ve never had to deal with any of that stuff. Which is unfortunate because it gives you a whole new perspective on how the world really works and just how much you take for granted. To give you a point of comparison, you know that sense of indignation you get when someone cuts in front of you in line? Picture that, only all day. Every day.

Even from within the gay community I hear a lot of people saying that these parades/rallies are outdated and don’t serve a purpose anymore. They claim that the leather guys and Dykes on Bikes just reinforce negative stereotypes and hurt our fight for inclusion. I honestly used to think that same thing but I’ve since realized that I couldn’t have been more wrong. To those that say it hurts our fight for inclusion - I say fuck inclusion. This is the one day we get to totally be ourselves. What’s the point of fighting for acceptance if we have to lie about who we are? So what if it reinforces negative stereotypes? That guy walking down the street wearing nothing but a jock strap and stilts deserves just as much respect as you do, and if you don’t think so maybe you should take a step back and get your priorities straight. These parades are an important reminder that in our push for acceptance we have to make sure we’re not sacrificing who we are along the way.

I mentioned the issue of stigma a few posts back, and events like these are one way of mitigating that. Depending on where a person lives, a pride parade could be the only threadbare lifeline in that sea of constant negative images. This is especially true if that person is young.

If you’ll tolerate a little nostalgia here, we can take a journey together back to the 90s. Buffy was in her first season of slaying vampires, trip hop was all the rage, those huge parachute jeans were everywhere, and I attended my first gay pride parade. I was still in high school and I’d been out of the closet since the 9th grade, but at the time I was one of the few, if not the only, openly gay kids at my school. Even though I was the butt of a lot of verbal harassment and flying objects in the hallways, I didn’t have it that bad compared to a lot of other LGBT kids. I had a strong group of supportive friends and we didn’t hesitate in telling everyone to fuck off if they had a problem, but I still looked forward to that parade like you wouldn’t believe. Here was a whole day devoted to people like me. For once, here was a place where I wouldn’t be the only one. Plus, the Murmurs were playing.

I will never forget the feeling of walking through those gates. It sounds dramatic and clichéd but a weight was lifted. I knew the second I walked back out at the end of the day that weight would be back, but for those few precious hours it was gone. That’s the tricky thing about stigma: even if you’re aware of what’s going on you’re still constantly fighting and pushing against the messages. You’re trying to hold your head above the water and it’s exhausting. So these events are like water wings. While you’re there you can just kind of float for a while and relax. If these events served no other purpose, they would still be worth every penny and every second of time they took to plan.

While these events help a person relax, they also help energize. You can look around and see not only what you’re fighting for but also who you’re fighting for. It’s not just about you and your struggle anymore; it’s about a whole community standing side by side. Maybe it won’t last beyond that day, but that sense of solidarity is very real and very powerful. It may look like “flaunting” from the outside, but this is our chance to say, “Guess what world? Despite your best efforts we’re not going anywhere without a fight.” There are also tons of political groups and petitions and campaigns, which is a great way to learn about other causes worth fighting for. So yeah, when you leave for the day that weight falls back in place, but it might not seem so heavy because you’re not carrying it alone anymore. I know it made a difference for me.

So, “Why pride parades?” Because we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore? Because we’re just trying to show the world how we live our lives? Because we just want the same rights and respect as everyone else? Because we’re here, we’re queer, and you should get used to it? The parade’s my day off, so you’ll have to figure it out. But when you do, feel free to join the fun.

I couldn't help myself: