Warning: Angry Waters Ahead

This is a really interesting article, and by “really interesting” I mean a combination of “crushingly depressing” and “blind fury inducing.” It’s a quick read so I encourage everyone to go check it out and come back. I’ll be sitting here breathing deeply counting to 10 until you get back.

Deliverance: The True Story of a Gay Exorcism Critical Eye: Details.com

Okay, the counting to 10 didn’t work. I honestly don’t even know where to start in this situation. The author had me going at the end there, thinking maybe there was going to be a happy ending for one of the kids in this story, but then they drop this:

“I ask Kevin whether he would make himself straight if he could. "Yeah, I would," he says without hesitation. "I'm not going to lie—I would love to just fit in and be accepted."”

Aaaaannnnnddddddd we’re back to square one. Fuck. This article was full of heartbreaking quotes like the one above but at the root of them all was the issue of stigma and what happens when that stigma is internalized.

Stigma (defined as a “mark of discredit or shame” by our friends at Merriam Webster) is a powerful, powerful tool, especially when used against kids. As this article showed, drilling a sense of shame into someone’s head while they’re still developing cognitively and socially can have dramatic, life long consequences. Take the quote above as an example. He’d gotten away from his family, he’d been to treatment, he’d found others like himself that accepted him, but at the end of the day what’s left? He still wants to change himself because obviously, in his mind, there’s something wrong with him that prevents others from accepting him. The flipside, the actual reality of the situation, that there’s something deeply wrong with the disturbed individuals around him, doesn’t even compute. After so many years of internalizing that stigma, not to mention the physical assaults of the “exorcisms,” Kevin sounds like he’s still stuck in the clutches of shame.

I said it before, but let me say it again: stigma is a powerful, powerful tool. If you’re a member of a stigmatized group you are assaulted on all fronts with messages that you are wrong, dirty, and worth less than everyone else. If you haven’t read it, you should pick up a copy of Erving Goffman’s “Stigma: Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity.” It was written in 1963 (that’s 47 years ago for the mathematically disinclined) but the only things that have changed are the groups being stigmatized, and in some cases even those are the same. It’s a short book and well worth your time, but if you don’t feel like reading that, at least take a look at this brief Wikipedia entry on internalized homophobia.

The most quoted statistic regarding suicide amongst gay youth is that they are 30% more likely to attempt it. This statistic has come under some scrutiny lately, but even if that’s an overestimation it doesn’t take a sociologist or a statistician to link internalized stigma with suicidal ideation. As far as I’m concerned, whatever the actual number is doesn’t really matter anyway. The bottom line is that these are real people in real pain. Your brother, sister, classmate, friend, neighbor, teammate, niece, nephew, coworker…any of these people in your life could be suffering and seriously contemplating some drastic action. And all over what? Other people can’t handle the way they were born? We can’t just leave people alone? It’s 2010 and we’re still judging people on genetics? Fuck. You. You want to talk about genetics? Fine. Let’s talk about atavism. When I read articles like this one they don’t make me angry. Anger implies rationality and conscious decision-making. No, when I read articles like this the only thing I want to do is leap howling onto one of the assholes doing this to their kid and bite their face off, throwback style. Fortunately for everyone involved, there are groups that take a more productive approach.

This blog isn’t exactly drowning in readers, but if you’re reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, let me stress that THERE. IS. NOTHING. WRONG. WITH. YOU. Did you read that? Read it again. And again. And again. Now keep reading it. Now say it with me: “There is nothing wrong with me.” Now write it down and keep it with you as a reminder. Hell, even if you’re not in a similar situation it never hurts to hear that from time to time. So take a second to remind yourself and those close to you that you love yourself and them for who you/they ARE, not who other people want you/them to be.

Since you most likely came here for Camp and not a rant, I'll leave you with this: